From the Chicago Daily News dated February 5, 1960, by Sydney J. Harris:
"I walked with my friend to the newsstand the other night and he bought a paper, thanking the newsboy politely. The newsboy didn't even acknowledge him.
"A sullen fellow, isn't he?" I commented.
"Oh, he's that way every night," shrugged my friend.
"Then why do you continue to be so polite to him?" I asked.
"Why not?" inquired my friend. "Why should I let him decide how I'm going
to act?"
As I thought about this incident later it occurred to me that the important word was 'act'. My friend 'acts' toward people - most of us react toward them. He has a sense of inner balance which is lacking in most of us - he knows who he is, what he stands for, how he should behave. He refuses to return incivility for incivility because then he would no longer be in command of his own conduct.
When we are enjoined in the Bible to return good for evil, we look upon this as a moral injunction - which it is. But it is also a psychological prescription for our own emotional health. Nobody is unhappier than the perpetual reactor. His center of emotional gravity is not rooted within himself where it belongs, but in the world outside him. His spiritual temperature is always being raised or lowered by the social climate around him and he is a mere creature at the mercy of these elements. Praise gives him a feeling of euphoria which is false because it does not last and it does not come from self-approval. Criticism depresses him more than it should because it confirms his own secretly shaky opinion of himself. Snubs hurt him, and the mere suspicion of unpopularity in any quarter arouses him to bitterness.
A serenity of spirit cannot be achieved until we become the masters of our own actions and attitudes. To let another determine whether we shall be rude or gracious, elated or depressed is to relinquish control over our own personalities which is ultimately all we possess. The only true possession is self-possession."
7 comments:
I don't think anyone can instantly achieve this state of being (if we ever fully do; maybe some more naturally can see the value younger). But it's very wise, it's humbling to ponder and good to attempt. Thanks for your calls to recall good stuff!
I guess we can only Change Ourself? We dont & should not have Power over others.
Deanna, no, I don't think it can be an instant full-on changing, but I can testify that there can be immediate change in perspective enough to begin. I was given this article to read eleven years ago and it still comes to my mind when I find myself reacting. It stops me to various degrees from reacting - depends on the variables of life - sometimes it stops me fully and I make the conscious choice to respond in a way I desire. This kind of change comes from deliberate contemplation of what kind of person we want to be, and striving for it. At least, that's how it is for me. It's a process - I doubt any of us can fully accomplish it as in all the time, but trying, yes, that's something worth attempting. And, you're welcome! (Good to see you this morning!)
Tony: Yes, change ourselves. That's the only way it can happen, right? We can't really change others but can only have an effect. And we shouldn't/don't have power over others except that they let us - at least, in theory.
Deciding that we will be only ourselves and not let the someone else control how we will feel. Cherie, when ever I come to visit you make me think.
I will keep this with me, "A serenity of spirit cannot be achieved until we become the masters of our own actions and attitudes."
Thank you.
You are most welcome, Sandy. Most.
I liked/valued/appreciated/took to heart this very much. Thanks for sharing it Cherie.
Thanks, Cecily, and you're welcome.
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