Saturday, March 03, 2007

One of Four and a Rubik's Cube

On Thursday Tom's mom had a frightening heart episode and her kidneys began to fail. She was rushed to the hospital in the nick of time. The cardiologist recommended her heart be stopped and restarted, like a computer, to get its rhythm back. It worked! Whew.

Being an adopted child, Tom was blessed with four parents, two natural, and two adopted. All loved. We lost his natural dad some years ago. Both Tom's adopted dad and his natural mom died within 3 months of one another two years ago. That was a rough spell. As the last one of four remaining, Tom's adopted mom remains a very precious person in Tom's life. He was raised an only child thus the bond between them is quite significant.

This morning we learned that Mom's kidneys are functioning again, not up to snuff, but quite sufficiently. She's diabetic, so this is a concern. Her heart sustained only minor damage but should need no tweaking in the near future. It looks like she gets to go home today. YAY!!! She misses her doggie, and he misses her. A tail wagging, joyful reunion awaits.

My dad had a small stroke a few days before Christmas. My mom seems a bit more frail each time I see her.

I don't like this.

But I accept it.

We have entered into the ranks of brave, compassionate souls who care for kids at home, have kids in college, and have parents who require just a little more time and care. When I say I don't like this, I don't mean that I dislike that our parents require more time and care, I mean that something is potentially coming which I am not emotionally or mentally ready to wrap my mind around. When I believed Dad was going to die in December a veil parted, giving me a glimpse of that which left me feeling like I was free falling, no ground in sight.

I'd better buck up, huh.

God is gracious to go slow with me, to let me adjust in the quietness of my overly sensitive heart (another one of my mom's descriptions of me - overly sensitive. I 'think too much' and am 'overly sensitive'. Wanna be my friend??!! Ha!)

On a more upbeat note, Cassie solved her brand new Rubik's Cube in three days! Holy Moly! No wonder math is so easy for her, and not so much for me. Caroline was right on her heels, with a little help from big sister. They get their brains from their daddy.

I feel stupid.

But that's okay.



Anonymous said...

Well spoken, you expressed my feelings and probably many other people's as well. It is a pleasure to read your ideas.

Lynn said...

It's tough to watch your parents health decline. All of our lives we believe that our parents are's tough to see that they aren't. My thoughts are with you.

Cherie said...

Thanks Tom and Lynn. Your words are a comfort to me.


Pam said...

You summed it up so well, Cherie, the emotional and mental readiness (or lack thereof) for facing the aging and eventual loss of parents... I remind myself that they won't be suffering because they will be with God, but still, there is that fear or dread of loss and grief that I don't think I'll ever be ready for. But I know I won't walk through it alone... Neither will you or Tom.

I'm glad Tom's mom is ok! Scary.

And congrats to Cassie and Caroline. You have the brainiest kids -- we just need to add another B to TMBBITW. TMB&BBITW!

Cherie said...

TMB&BBITW - Good one!

Thanks, Pam. I knew you'd understand. You are right, though it won't be easy, none of us will be alone.

Happily, during that unsettling day with my dad there were moments where I contemplated what Dad might experience with God, should he actually die. It was a mixed bag - wanting him here with us a little longer, and anticipating his joy should he meet his beloved savior whom he's loved most of his life.

Spiritually I was fine with it all. It was those danged emotions and my mind that thinks too much that gave me so much trouble.

Should any of this occur before my time is up, I'll count on you, and know you'll be there. I will be there for you, too!

deanna said...

I don't like this aspect of this time of life, either. God is gracious to be right here with us, determining all our moments.

I do like smart kids (got a couple of my own who can teach me a lot these days). I enjoyed talking to Cassie after church today. And hearing from Tom about woodpiles and remodeling. Have fun!

Cherie said...

Thanks, Deanna!

Thanks be to God for that grace that you described, too.

Tom and Cassie told me that they had good little chats with you, as well! I should be there next week and we can take up where our blogs leave off. ;-)

Wandering Coyote said...

You expressed your feelings and experience really well here. I'm slowly moving to that age where we start losing people. I'm not quite there yet, though, but I know that the death of one of my parents will be a defining moment in my life. So far, I haven't had anyone close to me die. I'm grateful, but also wonder how prepared I'll be when the inevitable comes.

Ann said...

Eloquent post. My dad (age 90) & I sometimes talk about losses, particularly his, which are immense. He has lost my mom, without whom he feels bereft, as well as all of his brothers & sisters & most of his friends. There are no compensations, really, but the consolations are sweet-- for example, living long enough to spend time with his great-grandson. So we console each other, knowing that some day there will be no need to measure our blessings.

Cherie said...

W.C., thanks for the comment. Seems like we all face this subject sooner or later, huh. It's a weird thing.

Ann, and thanks to you, too, for sharing another perspective.

To all of you who have commented, you have made a difference for me, and hopefully for each other. I have a feeling we'll all be stronger than we think, and as evidenced here, none of us will be alone.

tshsmom said...

I just read this on your Thanksgiving post:
"To most it would seem like nothing. No big house. No new cars. No big paychecks, no nice clothes, nor celebrity. But to me, it is living, real living. Living that challenges, that satisfies. Simplicity. Mindfulness. It fits, and I like"

We've got a LOT in common!

Cherie said...

tshsmom: Thanks for stopping by. It makes me feel really good to find someone who understands what I meant by that post. I look forward to reading more of your writings, getting to know you.

Glad things are leveling out for you again!

Anonymous said...

This very candid look into your heart echos the sentiments of many, it seems. I join the club. It's frightening to think about, and yet, we know we'll get through because all around we see people carrying on.

Thanks for sharing your heart. You gave many of us a chance to band together in a common unknown.

Cherie said...

Annie, there seems to be a comfort in realizing the thread which connects all of our hearts together in commonality.

This post, with its comments, is turning out to be a great gift to me, and hopefully to others. You are part of that.