I've posted here every day since November first, determined to keep it up until the 30th. This task is not new to me, having previously participated.
But it is so hard this time!
Difficult circumstances turned to blessedness, which could switch back to difficult at any moment, flow in and out of life these days.
Surprises await, fulfillment of dreams long-dreamed promise comfort and joy.
Good news and bad news and frightful news and silly news only a phone call away.
Up and down, laughter and tears, restorative sleeps, wrecked nights of tossing, turning anguish, too many words said, and not enough.
A blog is not the forum for sharing these particular evolving situations. In the past, yes. But not this time. Not these things.
Masking my life from you dear readers and from family squeezes and tears. You don't need to know, and they couldn't handle the things I would share. But, oh, how I want to share, feel the need to open up and pour myself onto my friendly blog pages for you, my steadfast friends, to read and thus know.
So trivia I write here, while my paper journals stack up, pages filled and puffed together, scribbled emotions and details trembling within their covers.
To learn to keep my fingers mute, as I'm learning to guard my blathery mouth, challenges.
To write and say nothing at all when I want to say everything is straight-jacket torturous.
Life overflows. I'm learning by heaps and gulps, my spirit now chastised, now held in protective embrace, confused to sobs, then enlightened to gentle, exhilerated whimpers. But self-hush, self-hush, self-hush.
I feel I am wasting your time, dear reader, and for that I am truly sorry.
Six more posts to go.