Wednesday, November 24, 2010

November 24, 2010: Secrets and Surprises

I've posted here every day since November first, determined to keep it up until the 30th. This task is not new to me, having previously participated.

But it is so hard this time!

Difficult circumstances turned to blessedness, which could switch back to difficult at any moment, flow in and out of life these days.

Surprises await, fulfillment of dreams long-dreamed promise comfort and joy.

Good news and bad news and frightful news and silly news only a phone call away.

Up and down, laughter and tears, restorative sleeps, wrecked nights of tossing, turning anguish, too many words said, and not enough.

A blog is not the forum for sharing these particular evolving situations. In the past, yes. But not this time. Not these things.

Masking my life from you dear readers and from family squeezes and tears. You don't need to know, and they couldn't handle the things I would share. But, oh, how I want to share, feel the need to open up and pour myself onto my friendly blog pages for you, my steadfast friends, to read and thus know.

So trivia I write here, while my paper journals stack up, pages filled and puffed together, scribbled emotions and details trembling within their covers.

To learn to keep my fingers mute, as I'm learning to guard my blathery mouth, challenges.

To write and say nothing at all when I want to say everything is straight-jacket torturous.

Life overflows. I'm learning by heaps and gulps, my spirit now chastised, now held in protective embrace, confused to sobs, then enlightened to gentle, exhilerated whimpers. But self-hush, self-hush, self-hush.

I feel I am wasting your time, dear reader, and for that I am truly sorry.

Six more posts to go.

4 comments:

cecily said...

Cherie, I'm still enjoying your insights into your world, if not your inner world. It's like little snapshots of the day, almost as if I'd walked the dog with you (or the other things you've chatted about)

I find the trivia posts easier and less draining to write. Probably why I do them so often. Maybe writing about it makes our trivia slightly less mundane? Perhaps a little more sacred? (That may be pushing the envelope a little there!)

Anyway, we're nearly there. I wonder how much I'll end up blogging after it's done?!

Cherie said...

Cecily, you are so right about trivial post being easier and less draining to write. Much less thought and time expenditure, that's for sure. "...a little more sacred." I like that!

Sounds like, once again, we are having parallel experiences in blogland. We shall see where all this posting lands us.

Sandy's Notes said...

Cherie, even my poorly written posts are helping me get over some of my fears. I find blogging difficult this time too. Staying with it though has helped me look at my world from the outside in, especially after reading a post on a different day in a different mindset. I can't wait to delete some though.

It's been nice taking the time to come back and seeing my blogging friends though. Even trivial posts helped me catch up a little.

I don't feel so alone now that I read this post, thank you for writing it, no matter how trivial.

Cherie said...

Sandy, I know what you mean about reading a post on a different day in a different mindset. It's sometimes illuminating for me to see where I was. Sometimes I'm relieved to know I made it through a hard spot. Sometimes I even encourage myself. ;)

I'm really happy that you, Cecily, and I have spent this time together in November. Feels so good to be with familiar blogging friends. We have so much in common.

I LOVE your blog. All the time.