If You Want It

Is it really that simple? That if I want the war to be over, and you want the war to be over, and millions of us want the war to be over that it can be? Is it really that simple? Can we ever ever ever get away from the manipulators long enough to think for ourselves, to concentrate on what unites rather than divides us? Can we get our acts together and vote the cretans out of office, vote in intelligence people whose integrity will not be bribed, bought, or sold?

Why do we let the few govern the masses while they become bloody millionaires and we scrape the bottom of our family money chests?

Who's in charge here?

Us? Them?

Good Lord!

Taxation Without Representation

Got my federal tax stuff in the mail today. Thickest of their booklets I've ever received.

Can't even get a week away from Christmas when the vermin start slithering under the door.

Feeling quite disenchanted with the current administration and the big government they embrace. Feels like a downhill slide into an abyss. Today's piece of mail doesn't help.

I'll let George Harrison speak for me:

Taxman

Let me tell you how it will be
There's one for you, nineteen for me
'Cause I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman

Should five per cent appear too small
Be thankful I don't take it all
'Cause I'm the taxman, yeah I'm the taxman

If you drive a car, I'll tax the street,
If you try to sit, I'll tax your seat.
If you get too cold I'll tax the heat,
If you take a walk, I'll tax your feet.

Don't ask me what I want it for
If you don't want to pay some more
'Cause I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman

Now my advice for those who die
Declare the pennies on your eyes
'Cause I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman
And you're working for no one but me

Another Beatles' song hums behind this one in my mind: Revolution!

Cat's Away

Frustrated.

Little Bit.

Holding in my hands, turning this way, turning that. Gazing at news of deceit most personal, most brazen.

Ugliness. Greed. Mockery.

Christmas Day sneakery, violation.

Miles away but to my heart, to our hearts.

Speaking for three, for six. We will not be divided or broken.

We will not become like you.

Ever.

Limited and Precious

Below is a short excerpt from a speech given by Steve Jobs to Stanford graduates after his cancer diagnosis and how the prospect of death had ceased to be just a useful intellectual concept (as quoted in Inside Steve's Brain, by Leander Kahney):

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new.

Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

Continually clearing out the old and false from heart and mind to make way for the new and true.

Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to you, my blog readers! How I cherish you.

My wish for you is a pleasant day, a good day, one that rings happily in your ears when you lay your head on your pillow tonight. A day that keeps you smiling after your eyes are closed. A day of fun, of peace, of blessings, of understanding.

I won't keep you a second longer!

On with the Celebration!!

"Glory to the Newborn King!"

Twenty-Four - Merry Christmas Eve!

My series of pre-Christmas postings has come to end here with this last post. It's been fun exploring random thoughts my mind swirls up.

Christmas musings. Easy to elicit, easy to express. Warm fuzzies, egg nog, evergreens, and children scrubbed clean.

Jolly old elf with attitude just right to bring out the kind and generous in even the grinchiest scrooge.

Pensive hearts turn to the babe in the manger, celebrating his birthday which isn't really his birthday, he was born in the summer, but hey, we're too busy playing in the sun, planting gardens, and grilling meat then. Besides, how can summer compete with snow - or dreams of it - and woolly hats and scarves, wassail and cocoa, nuts and fruits, and hands and noses warming by crackling fires?

It's the coziness, the inwardness that creates the Christmas glow, I think. When looking out the window through precipitation's designs one is comforted to be nestled safely inside, encouraged with the choice to suit up and explore the outdoors' cold and wet, bright stars, descending snowflakes, visual evidence of one's breath, or to remain inside to explore games with children, victuals leisurely prepared, arts, crafts, projects long undone, and napping. Sweet, guilt-free napping! Because the earth is asleep she needs less tending by we mere mortals which affords us the opportunity to turn thoughts more toward wants and less toward needs.

(Yes, there are those who celebrate Christmas in the Southern Hemisphere amidst summer. They probably feel as sorry for us as we do for them.)

Back to the babe in the manger. Here is where it doesn't matter if one is in shorts or snow suit because Jesus came just the same. To satisfactorily contemplate the meaning of His life - and death - would take a thousand Christmases.

But today we have this one, this Christmas, this remembrance of God invading human life with a message of hope, of love, of rescue. A thinking person owes it to himself to ponder who Jesus was - and is - for this unusual Jewish man cannot be simply ignored. History tells us he was amazing.

This Christmas Eve my heart turns with focus to the God I worship throughout the year. The celebration adds a sacredness, a space to absorb what I know and how I feel. That fellow human beings all over the globe celebrate with me adds to the quiet, the opportunity, for together we take deep breaths and realize that something extraordinary happened in that stable 2000 years ago. God began anew his conversation with mankind.

And I, for one, am listening.

Twenty-Three - Instinct

Like many women, I have a keen Mother's Instinct or Women's Intuition. And I listen to it as it seldom fails.

Instincts get a bum rap. Until a tragedy is averted because they are acted upon. But those instances are quickly forgotten. Science and Intellectualism stand arrogantly at the tip-top of the hill looking down on instinct and intuition, but they shouldn't.

Mysterious ways soften prideful edges, flesh out the skeleton of 'What We Should Know', creating instead creatures far grander than the most thorough college education can produce. There is more to us than the Scarecrow's Brain and the Tin Man's Heart. But that 'more' is quiet, non-intrusive. Oh, it can be loud but usually 'life' is louder. Our attention turns to the immediate, the demanding, the seemingly important and we can't hear the still small voice.

The still small voice that never says, "I told you so!" It doesn't have to. You already know.

I listen to my instincts. As a home-schooling mom I encourage the kids to 'trust your instincts' and they do. Sometimes our instincts are wrong so they shouldn't be given full reign. There seems to be some sort of connection between our sub-conscious and our conscious and I think instincts and intuition are some of the messengers that communicate to us.

If only we will listen.

I find the mystery fascinating!

Twenty-Two - Nourish

Stuffy nose upon awakening. Hmm...

Plans change.

Need nourishment.

Of all sorts.

Oatmeal and Jasmine tea. Satisfying.

Back to bed. Doze amidst twinkling white Christmas lights bedecked with shiny green, gold, and yellow orbs. Grayness beyond glass panes.

Bangers and Mash. Broccoli, too. Sous chefs Tom, Cassie, and Caroline. Christmas carols play as we peel, cut, brown, simmer, steam, then eat. Glowing candles - ambience.

Sun peeks, clouds dissipate. Space claimed on heated floor, glass door wide open, sitting, leaning pillowed against white wall. Sixty degree breezes caress. Winter sun so low in sky yet full and gauzy bright. Eyes close. Face relaxes. Warmth.

Yes, nourishment of all sorts.

Feeling better. Much.

Twenty-One - Solstice

The 2009 Winter Solstice will occur at 9:47 a.m. on Monday, December 21, 2009. That will be the local time on the western coast of the continental United States.

Artist: Beatles
Album: Abbey Road
Title: Here Comes The Sun

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it's all right

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it's all right
It's all right

Music and lyrics humming through my mind - I'm smiling. May it be a familiar refrain that settles gently on your spirit, too, so we can sing together.

Happy Solstice!

Twenty - Ceremony

When humans participate in ceremony, they enter a sacred space. Everything outside of that space shrivels in importance. Time takes on a different dimension. Emotions flow more freely. The bodies of participants become filled with the energy of life, and this energy reaches out and blesses the creation around them. All is made new; everything becomes sacred. ~~ Sun Bear

Nineteen - Play

Cassie, Caroline, and I saw The Nutcracker ballet over in Eugene at the Hult Center last night. So beautiful. Enchanted, magical! Just what we needed.

And we saw many friends there, too, which only added to the specialness of the evening.

This morning Tom and I will head over to the Holiday Market to snoop around. A friend sells honey there. Maybe we'll find more people we know, and goodies to amaze the senses. Who knows?

Let the play continue!

Merry Weekend Before Christmas! Make the most of it.

Eighteen - Courage

Most people attempt to skirt problems rather than meet them head-on. We attempt to get out of them rather than suffer through them. Indeed, the tendency to avoid problems and the emotional suffering inherent in them is the primary basis of all psychological illness. And since most of us have this tendency to a greater or lesser degree, most of us lack complete mental health. Those who are most healthy learn not to dread but actually to welcome problems. Although triumph isn't guaranteed each time we face a problem in life, those who are wise are aware that it is only through the pain of confronting and resolving problems that we learn and grow.
~~~ M. Scott Peck, M.D.

Seventeen - Knowing

Carl Jung was interviewed on film toward the end of his life.

"Do you believe in God?" the interviewer asked.

Jung, who was about 83 at the time, puffed on his pipe and answered, "Believe in God? We use the word 'believe' when we think of something as true but for which we do not yet have a substantial body of evidence. No, no, I don't believe in God. I know there is a God."

Eight days until Christmas Day. These are the best days of the holiday, almost better than the actual day which always passes quickly. I relish moments in darkened rooms lit only by twinkling lights and candles, stories read, movies watched, laughter, sharing, and quiet. Everything smells better, looks prettier, tastes more delicious, feels gentler. Relaxation.

For me, the extra hours of precious contemplation during Christmas feed my soul and gracefully stir my heart through quiet nights and mornings when my family is peacefully sleeping. I read once that a contemplative is one who takes a small bit of life experience and milks it for all it's worth. That describes me. Opportunities for learning present themselves everywhere. I grab hold of them and squeeze until I'm sure I've got all that I possibly can whether the learning is invigorating or downright nasty. There is a need to know. It's the way I'm made.

God made us to be learners, he intends for us to grow. It is not a given, no. We are told to work at it.

A man may perform astonishing feats and comprehend a vast amount of knowledge, and yet have no understanding of himself. But suffering directs a man to look within. If it succeeds, then there, within him, is the beginning of his learning. ~~ Soren Kierkegaard

Suffering is not the only method that God uses to direct a person inward, but it's the most common. And it's not always bigtime suffering such as illness or loss. Often it's the 'quiet suffering,' the personal stuff that no one else sees, the tangles that are hard to explain, the weight that loads a heart down. One can choose to block such things out - though they always manifest themselves somehow, some way - or they can contemplate them, learn, and hopefully grow.

It's a matter of perspective, as I always say.

The longer I live, the clearer I see.

What better time than Christmas - the celebration of God's Gift to mankind - to make time for thoughtful consideration of just what it is we are all supposed to be doing here in this great classroom called life?

Sixteen - Old Lyrics Revisited

On an ancient record album - yes, record album - I have of Michael Murphey's, before he went cowboy and added the Martin to his name, there is a song entitled, Blessing In Diguise. I was a teenager when I first heard it. Yet, a few lines continue to rumble through my head decade upon decade.

It was a blessing in disguise
A foolish move can make you wise
A change brings back around the sun
So I can swim into the sky.

Tornados, ghosts, and lord of dreams
Ah, they're never what they seem
Thank you for opening my eyes!
Good-bye, sweet blessing in disguise.

Being one who 'thinks too much' - a taunt with which I heartily disagree - I have of late taken to muttering to myself during stressful times, "I haven't been me since I was three."

Thanks to a long-in-the-works blessing in disguise which was recently and utterly surprisingly revealed, suddenly and completely, I am stunned to find myself free.

Free!

I am me again.

Though I didn't commit a crime, I think I know how a prisoner feels when he walks out of the penitentiary after a long, grueling, gray-world sentence. The stink of the buildings hangs on, the sallow skin, sunken eyes, disorientation remain. But deep within, a Phoenix rises and can be felt in the heart.

Freedom.

Rebirth.

All the world lies before, unexpectedly swelling with vivid color and endless opportunity.

And the lightness. As though I could float up into the starry sky!

Darkness may descend tomorrow. Life's like that. Because of my sweet blessing in disguise there is wisdom, energy, and clarity to better face the inevitable storms heading my way.

Throughout the whole of life one must continue to learn to live, and what will amaze you even more, throughout life one must learn to die. ~~ Seneca

Little deaths - of all sorts - endings, surrenders, consciously giving up control of our lives when it is appropriate, ultimately handing ourselves over to God.

Grateful to God am I for putting to death a half-century of discipline that has been good for my soul.

Whatever may be ahead, I humbly embrace the next chapter of my life.

Learning to live. Learning to die. Learning to be reborn.

Fifteen - Tranquility

Quietude, which some men cannot abide because it reveals their inward poverty, is as a palace of cedar to the wise, for along its hallowed courts the King in his beauty deigns to walk. ~~ Charles H. Spurgeon

When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere. ~~ Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Feeling tranquility like never before this Christmas. Not because all is perfect in my world, but all is well with my soul.

Fourteen - Hope

If you want to build a ship, don't herd people together to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea.

~~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

(Photo by Ben Klusman, Enko Photography)

Thirteen - Relief

It's actually happening.

I'm enjoying the Christmas Season again.

Some moms and others may empathize with me. It gets hard, making a holiday magical year after year. One can become disillusioned when tuckered out from all the madness and being taken for granted.

But this year, I decided to take matters into my own hands. Downsizing, taking my own ridiculous expectations off my shoulders, avoiding certain things that drain drain drain me, sticking to my personal goals, and best of all, delegation.

It's made a huge difference.

The decision to enjoy Christmas was a good one. To think of the strain I put myself under all those years. I'd say, "What a waste!" but it wasn't a waste. Comparisons aid in understanding.

Oh, don't go thinking there is a lack of Christmas cheer around here. Quite the contrary. With Mom - me - relaxed and in a good mood most of the time (no one's perfect!), there is energy to decorate, shop for gifts, cook nourishing meals, bake up a storm, play play play, read, relax, walk, and enjoy all sorts of new things coming our way.

Relief. That's what I feel this Christmas. Relief that the bad guys are gone, stress is on the down low, many of my demons have been conquered, my eyes are open again to things that give me joy, and joy I have.

Relief.

It's been a really long haul.

Intermission

My last post - with the frost etchings - is going to be allowed to linger in the Top Position for awhile. It makes me happy.

Besides, I want to do some baking for the next few days. Finally, I have free time.

Merry Christmastime, everyone!

I'll be back before you know it.

Ten, Eleven, and Twelve - Nature's Art

Few things excite me more than Nature's Art.


Jack Frost etchings are near the top of my list.


We don't see frosty beauty like this often in the Willamette Valley but when we do, it is admired by me in long, lingering, shivering gazes.

Enjoy!

Click on each photo for a larger view.

Nine - Friendship

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: 'What! You, too? Thought I was the only one.' ~~ C.S. Lewis

A faithful friend is a strong defense: and he that hath found such an one hath found a treasure. ~~ Ecclesiastes 6:14

Remember, no man is a failure who has friends. ~~ It's a Wonderful Life

The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. ~~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

This post is for Cassie and Caroline and all their friends.

You make my heart sing!

Eight - Curiosity

I could not, at any age, be content to take my place by the fireside and simply look on. Life was meant to be lived. Curiosity must be kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life. ~~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Apparently, I was a mighty curious child. Mom said I was always getting into things, pushing the boundaries, touching, smelling, tasting. Always curious.

Hands slapped many a time. "NO!" But for the most part I think my journey of discovery was allowed when safe.

Mom loves to tell about when she'd make bread at home and I, not yet eye-level with the wooden board where she kneaded the dough, would repeatedly lift my arm so I could stick my little fingers on the edge of the board, coating them in flour.

"That's not sugar, Cherie," Mom would say every time.

I'd stick my fingers in my mouth and roll that flour around my tongue. I liked the dryness of it, the taste, too. Still do.

Mom marveled at me. People thought I was odd.

Who knew I'd grow up to be a better-than-average baker?

The signs were there.

Beginning with those curious little fingers.

Curiosity. Let it flourish!

Seven - Respect

Know that although in the eternal scheme of things you are small, you are also unique and irreplaceable, as are all your fellow humans everywhere in the world. ~~ Margaret Laurence

This is the final test of a gentleman: his respect for those who can be of no possible value to him. ~~ William Lyon Phelps

There is within the human heart the capacity for inexplicable kindness measured by respect for fellow human beings. Once the idea that all men, women, and children are made in the image of God takes hold in a mind the heart follows with enormous impetus. Respect takes root. Working in tandem, heart and mind move, instinctually, mindfully.

At work one day, when I was a mere 26, I noticed a fire truck rush past the large, picture window in front of my desk. My fellow employees and my boss raced outside to see what was happening. I followed. A tiny, rundown shack was on fire. We stood at a short concrete wall above a very low-income neighborhood like lords and ladies watching the occupants scramble to get everyone out of the house. A large woman holding a dirty, diapered baby sobbed uncontrollably as all she owned in the world, along with her rented shelter, burned to the ground yards away. Another woman stood at her side patting her on the back.

Before I even knew what was happening I found myself hurrying along the gravel walkway, down, down to the little burning home. I had never met this woman, had never seen her before that moment. She was a complete stranger. I hugged her and she clung to me as though I was her only friend in the world. I kissed the baby's head. I assured the woman that there would be help for her, that I would help her. Shaken to her core, she had the presence of mind to write down for me the address where she would stay until she figured out what to do. It was her brother's home.

After work I went home and gathered some clothes and a few toys my son had outgrown. I bought diapers. I boxed up food. I picked flowers. I put some cash into a small envelope along with my name and number should she need anything else. Then, I drove to the address she'd given me. I knocked on the door. Her eyes opened wide when she saw me. "I didn't think you'd actually come back to help," she said in astonishment. She accepted the gifts with gratitude. The others in the house silently watched our interaction, seemingly stunned. I hugged her warmly. She thanked me.

And I never saw her again. When I checked back I was told she'd moved out of town.

My actions at the time were pretty much a blur. I'd never done anything of that nature so impulsively before.

I don't retell this story for accolades. Not at all. I tell this story because of the one thing that is startlingly clear in my memory. After I'd hugged the woman and climbed the path back up to the wall where my boss and co-workers were still gawking at the sad scene, my boss, who had seen my encounter with the fire victim, said to me, " You can't help people like that. She'll just go find somewhere else to squat."

His words, like a shock of frigid water thrown on my naive heart, still sting today. Not because he hurt me. He didn't. The sting from his coldhearted reaction informed my idealistic mind that it is possible for hardness to overcome a heart of flesh and turn it to stone. Like Ebenezer Scrooge, someone or something somewhere had hurt this poor man, rendering him incapable of simple compassion.

See, he had no respect for the handiwork of God, or for the ways of love, the mystery of each unique irreplaceable person.

I lost some respect for my boss that day. But I gained a modicum of wisdom, which I admit, I sometimes forget.

Humanly speaking, there is no one beneath me, or above me.

We are all in this together.

Respect the individual.

Six - Wonder

If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in. ~~ Rachel Carson

The moment when you first wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of the twenty-four hours. No matter how weary or dreary you may feel, you possess the certainty that, during the day that lies before you, absolutely anything may happen. And the fact that it practically always doesn't, matters not a jot. The possibility is always there. ~~ Monica Baldwin

Five - Tears

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love. ~~ Washington Irving

Four - Silence

I think the first virtue is to restrain the tongue; he approaches nearest to gods who knows how to be silent, even though he is in the right. ~~ Cato the Elder

Learning the restfulness of silence is a new experience for me. Understand I mean not just the absence of speaking or other noise, but calm silence in my being. Tranquility amidst external confusion. In certain situations, silence assures. Strength lives there.

Sometimes one must speak out especially for those who cannot speak for themselves.

Then again, sometimes the noise from opponents is too loud, too chaotic. A wrong threatens to occur and one is powerless to point it out. So occur it does. It is then that silence is a comforting companion because she reminds you that God can work without you, does so everyday. Lay your worry down. It will be all right. Interior quiet is the better choice when expressions of common sense fall on deaf ears.

"Be still and know that I am God."

Trust. Listen.

Sweet surrender.

Three - Courtesy

Life is short, but there is always time enough for cour-tesy. ~~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Friends are helpful not only because they will listen to us, but because they will laugh at us; Through them we learn a little objectivity, a little modesty, a little courtesy; We learn the rules of life and become better players of the game. ~~ Will Durant

Scratching puppy ears.

Pouring hot chocolate for another.

Holding the door, offering a hand, carrying groceries through drenching rain to the kitchen counter. Not because you have to, because you want to.

Politeness for politeness sake.

Showing kindness whether merited or not.

Offering warmth in action.

Good medicine in an often rude world.

Courtesy.

Two - Love's Effects

Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it. ~~ Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

The word 'hate' is an ugly word to view on the page. I don't like it at all. Makes me tense just looking at it. But the word 'love' is pleasant and soothing. Concepts real and true.

Choices to take, decisions to make.

Easy to be crabby, angry, dourly. To grouch around, criticize, fume. Harder to see the bright side. Hard to overcome frustration, especially when its cause is entirely outside of ourselves. This takes a certain amount of training for some of us. But train we must if its love's effects we desire.

The effects of hate harm deep, jagged, sometimes irretrievably. But love, love, love does indeed cover a multitude of sins. Love's effects pave the way for understanding.

Understanding leads to openness and cooperation.

And forgiveness.

And togetherness.

And eventually, joy.

One - Simplicity

The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak. ~~ Hans Hofmann

Winter does this. Leaves fall, bushes turn to sticks, snow muffles noise.

What was hidden in the blossoming of summer and the busyness of harvest seems to step forward.

And speak.

Beauty in its time.

Perfect.