How badly do I want to know the truth?
Enough to learn - and believe - a dark, ugly aspect of truth as true, or would I rather remain in my self-concocted hallucination where a softer, yet false, landing awaits my heart?
The numbness of shock wears off. The beginnings of unrelenting pain ask me, “Are you sure? Do you honestly want to proceed where this pain will only intensify? Turning from this truth is an option, turning, absorbing pretense, cranking up the morphine drip attached to your mind for sweet relief. Are you sure?”
Yes. ........YES! I’m sure! I want the truth, even though it be excruciating, even if it feels like tearing, exploding disintegration, like annihilation of all that is me.
As the sinking, splintering, searing pain begins to wash over me, reaching every cell, every thought, I weakly smile. Because honest, hard truth reveals more truth, shattering, scattering the lies.
Lies destroy. Truth heals.
Freedom awaits the courageous, the sincere.
I long to be whole.