How badly do I want to know the truth?Enough to learn - and believe - a dark, ugly aspect of truth as true, or would I rather remain in my self-concocted hallucination where a softer, yet false, landing awaits my heart?
The numbness of shock wears off. The beginnings of unrelenting pain ask me, “Are you sure? Do you honestly want to proceed where this pain will only intensify? Turning from this truth is an option, turning, absorbing pretense, cranking up the morphine drip attached to your mind for sweet relief. Are you sure?”
Yes. ........YES! I’m sure! I want the truth, even though it be excruciating, even if it feels like tearing, exploding disintegration, like annihilation of all that is me.
As the sinking, splintering, searing pain begins to wash over me, reaching every cell, every thought, I weakly smile. Because honest, hard truth reveals more truth, shattering, scattering the lies.
Lies destroy. Truth heals.
Freedom awaits the courageous, the sincere.
I long to be whole.
11 comments:
Like a peek directly into your searching heart, Cherie. Such honesty. So real. You amaze me.Thank you for this.
Cherie, I'm sorry for whatever has pained you. I know it's that side of life none of us escape. I'm with you in knowing truth ultimately heals.
but it's hard...so sorry.
Thanks, Deanna. You've got it right; the side of life none of us escapes.
I had to deal with hard truth a while back. It was painful but so enlightening. I became a better person for it; not so frightened.
It's so much easier to live in a protected world of dreams, but when reality comes a knocking it's a huge swat on the side of the head, and it can hurt.
Not sure what your going through Cherie, but again, thank you for putting your thoughts down.
OK - I don't know what this is about, don't need to. You are courageous. That's all I need to know.
this is true.
Sandy, thanks for sharing your understanding, and your support. MIles of appreciation!
WC, you are so totally cool, you make me feel safe somehow, acknowledged. Thanks for the unconditional support and encouragement! This is what I need most.
Summer - I sense a deep understanding in your brevity. It helps - a LOT.
Don't worry sweet people. My little world here is intact. It's the extended world that causes so much pain - if you know what I mean. Aching, unreal, cruel, but temporary. Time does heal, right along with truth. (Sometimes I forget that others read this blog and I write while emotion is most felt, most vivid, so I will remember it. You guys are the best, to read, to understand, to lend support. It's astounding, YOUR courage, to comment on such a strange post as this must seem, to reach out with aid. Humble gratitude and thanks!)
There are times when we do need the whole truth. Other times we need to learn the truth in small doses so it doesn't overwhelm us. A FEW truths are best left unsaid.
My prayers are with you girlfriend!
tshs - you are so right, so wise. This helps. Thanks!
"For you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free." John 8:32
Cherie--wise people always choose truth.
You have my prayers.
Thank you, Lisa, for the reminder of John 8:32, and for your prayers. You are kind.
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