NaBloPoMo - November 1

Should I publish a post a day for the month of November? Sandy and Cecily have committed to it. I wasn't going to but maybe I should. Maybe it would be fun.

I'll post today and give myself more time to think about it.

Let me tell you about the caramel apples we made yesterday. Oh my my...

I cooked up a pot of homemade caramel. No, not the little paper wrapped cubes of caramels melted. The real deal. We dipped freshly-harvested apples from a local farm into the goo.


Then we melted milk chocolate and dipped the hardened caramel apples.




Dark chocolate followed.



Cassie drizzled white chocolate on for some pizzaz and we let the apples harden more.


Then, we sliced two of these chocolatey orbs open so we could enjoy them as we watched Disturbia.


Again, oh my my...

Thankfully, we have the self-discipline to control our intake of these decadent treats.

For now.

Chef at Heart

Cassie begins culinary school next Monday. She is excited.

To watch a dream unfold causes reflection. This child of mine has been interested in food preparation all her life. Cassie has been curious and competent from her first moments standing on a chair watching dinner come together from my practiced hands, to helping me flip pancakes or roll cookies, to where she is following her own cookbook recipes and creating lavish meals for us, her willing family.

Late March of this year found Tom, the girls, and me exploring wine country for the first time. Exciting to discover what is essentially grape farming. Row upon row, acre upon acre, valley upon valley deliciously and decidedly planted and pruned. We vowed we'd return when the leafless grape vines hung heavy with grapes in the fall.

Yesterday we returned at Cassie's prompting. The same vineyards, transformed, welcomed us with aromas sweet and varied, sights magnificent.


But more met my attention, more than I anticipated. I'd hopped out of the car to snap a few photos. It wasn't but moments when a strolling figure entered my camera's viewfinder. It was college-bound daughter heading for the vines. Still curious. Still unstoppable. Still independent and competent. Staying in the background I watched, curious myself. Silently she inspected, breathed the aroma, tasted the fruit. She sighed. Pensive. This world of grapes and wine-making beckons her. She has to know.

Stirrings in my heart let me know this was the beginning of something great for Cassie. For all of us.

Culinary Arts. Blessed she is to know what she wants, to have a dream she is free to follow.

She's in the kitchen right now - making big, soft pretzels for the first time - patiently waiting for me to accompany her in buying required college books. There's a strange lump in my throat. I don't quite understand why. I am happy for this child, eager for what is ahead, not at all sad or afraid. She'll be living here at home all year, going to school just as she did high school last year. Is it joy? Is it change?

I don't know. But it's good, whatever it is, and I embrace it.

The fullness of life.



(If you click on the last vineyard picture you can better see Cassie on the left, inspecting the grapes.)

Surprising Grace

An ominous storm blacks out the entire sky ahead as I drive the car to the repair shop early this morning. The Coastal Mountain Range in the far west - north to south - bears the weight of the dense disturbance.

Still embraced by the eastern morning blue that thus far cheers my drive, I grip my steering wheel in anticipation of encountering the looming darkness.

"The only way to receive the help I need for my car is to enter that blustery unknown. The solution lies there."

First instincts are to find a way around, to avoid, to wait out the storm. But the appointment is today. Now is the time. This I can do. This I will do.

Just like any unexpected ordeal in life, the obstacle must be confronted, for enlightenment lies therein - or beyond. Difficulty must be braved. Willingness to be taught or rescued or strengthened or rebuked motivates.

As is natural for my brain, an analogy is derived from my surroundings. The painful prayer of a recent crisis - a dark night of my soul - echos in my mind: "I trust you, God, though my legs feel boneless, my muscles merely rubber. I know you will make something beautiful out of this miserable situation. But, oh God, I need your help, need you to go before me. I cannot see a way out." In time, surprising grace rained down on my fragile courage, my frail trust, my on-the-brink brokenness. Peace that transcended comprehension.

The Master Creator sculpts beauty from life's debris. All he requires from me is a willing mind, a trusting heart, however small and weak.

While this morning's dark cloud situation is simple, my heart rejoices at its reminder of the innumerable shadow-lessons through which God escorts me, most of which are incredibly worse than a heavily-clouded dawn. His grace is evident through all. Grace that illuminates meaning. "There. There is the reason. There is the beauty. There is love, the greatest gift of all."

I am never alone.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~~Philippians 4: 6,7

Sunday Mornings Then and Now

Sunday mornings. Unwinding. Freedom for listening, seeing, tasting, smelling, touching. Slowness. Harmony. Peace.

For decades I diligently attended Sunday School and church on Sunday mornings. After scurrying to get husband and kids fed and dressed, I'd snatch seven minutes to dress myself including the frustrated yanking of panty hose over toes and legs, my first Sunday prayer being, "Please don't let them snag or tear." Red-faced from all the effort of a wife and mom trying to do the right thing I'd grab purse, Bible, and Sunday School lesson. In self-imposed sensory deprivation I'd hot-foot it to the car, family in tow.

Not a pleasant ritual. Six of us, in the car, crabby, struggling to put on our Sunday Faces which normally amounted to smiling mouths, scowling eyes. I take full responsibility.

I gave it up. Surrendered to a creeping wisdom. Something was awry in that routine, that conditioning. Awry in my attitude. I attend church on Sunday evenings now, when I can, and leave the Sunday morning church thing to others.

In loosening my white-knuckled grip on tradition I discovered enchantment.

Presently, in the restfulness of Sunday mornings dwells an easy concentration which naturally leads to satisfying contemplation. No panty-hose wars, hurried breakfasts, temperamental hair tamings. Time agreeably meanders.

Sunday's serenity has been there all along. Quiet streets. Animal skitterings. The soothing cadence of shoes as leisurely walkers pass my secret patio. Vibrant foliage interpretively dancing with the breezes. Beloved beagle sunning himself, perfectly still but for his breathing and dreaming. Cherished husband puttering peacefully after morning tea and an hour of news shows. Precious children, restful spirits, stretching bodies enticed by a day of freedom and possibility. For me, awareness.

And happy surprise.

Just now as I type on this sunny Sunday morning I am interrupted by Tom and his latest possum, who plays dead. The opossum, not Tom. This nocturnal creature who was in our shed - the opossum, not Tom - has been freed to wildness for his own safety. Random acts of Tom-ness.

For the enchantment of Sunday morning which offers rejuvenation for the workweek, then faithfully returns me home once again, I smile...

...relax...

...and contentedly thank God.

Melancholy

I miss blogging.

Compulsively sharing like I did in years past. Creating posts, spilling my thoughts, sharing comments with others whose blogs I adored.

Facebook and Twitter ate blogging. Like men on Thanksgiving. Never looking back. Just loosened their pants and ate some more.

Old posts still comfort me, remind me, make me laugh...and cry. I sometimes wonder where the creativity came from. And where it went. Is it still in me and coming out in different forms? Yes, I suppose that's the case. Gardening has increased, cooking and baking improved, soul-searching prioritized. Perhaps this is my season of reflection, of soaking up rather than spilling out.

Yes, I miss blogging. Visiting my old haunts feels like visiting ghost towns now; some of my favorite authors last posts are dated years ago. Many blogs have been deleted. Some remain and cherish them I do.

Makes me sad. Facebook isn't the same. It's fun and informative. But just not the same as a well formed post by a thoughtful friend.

Embracing the void, feeling the grief, refusing to move on.

Yet.

(Hey, this feels really good. Maybe it's okay to blog in obscurity.)

Laugh It Up

"Having fun is one of the most powerful antidotes to stress you will ever find. Many studies show that laughter releases an instant flood of feel-good chemicals that boost the immune system and almost instantly reduces levels of stress hormones. A really good belly laugh can make cortisol drop by 39% and adrenalin by 70%, while the 'feel-good hormone,' endorphin, increases by 29%. It can even make growth hormones skyrocket by 87%! Laughter boosts your immune system by increasing immunity levels and disease-fighting cells.

Laughter increases flexibility of thought and is as effective as aerobic exercise in boosting body-mind health. According to research, laughing 100 to 200 times a day is equal to 10 minutes of rowing or jogging! Laughter quite literally dissolves distressing toxic emotions because you can't feel mad or sad when you laugh: endorphins are released making you feel so great and at peace that toxic thoughts can't get out of your brain fast enough.

Fun protects your heart, because when you laugh and enjoy yourself, your body releases chemicals that improve the function of blood vessels and increase blood flow protecting against heart attack. Fun reduces damaging stress chemicals quickly, which, if they hang around in your body for too long, will make you mentally and physically sick. Fun and laughter also increase your energy levels.

Having fun through play and laughter rejuvenates the mind, body, and spirit and gets positive emotions flowing. Smile - this is the beginning of laughter. When you hear laughter, gravitate toward it and let it wash all over you.

God and science are both telling us that developing a playful point of view will enable us to live longer, happier, and healthier lives.

Can you afford not to laugh?" ~~ Dr. Caroline Leaf

Just Thinking...

As you cannot have a sweet and wholesome abode unless you admit the air and sunshine freely into your rooms, so a strong body and a bright, happy, or serene countenance can only result from the free admittance into the mind of thoughts of joy and goodwill and serenity.

...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.~~Philippians 4:8

There is no physician like cheerful thought for dissipating the ills of the body; there is no comforter to compare with goodwill for dispersing the shadows of grief and sorrow. To live continually in thoughts of illwill, cynicism, suspicion, and envy, is to be confined in a self-made prison-hole. But to think well of all, to be cheerful with all, to patiently learn to find the good in all - such unselfish thoughts are the very portals of heaven; and to dwell day by day in thoughts of peace toward every creature will bring abounding peace to their possessor.

A cheerful heart is good medicine... ~~ Proverbs 17:22

(Except for Biblical references, the quotes are from James Allen)

Thankful Heart

It's easy to let life's ugliness spread out like an unwanted guest all over your mind and heart, seemingly crowding out beauty and joy. This, however, is merely perception.

Beauty remains. It needs only thought and senses to capture its reality.

Ugliness is a bully.

A simple contemplating of life's loveliness, however, lends perspective to the disagreeable. Merely shifting one's gaze from hostility to beauty immediately illuminates gleaming jewels of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, grace, mercy, forgiveness, and hope. Ugliness takes a back seat, where it belongs.

There is always something for which to be thankful. Always.

--A kindhearted husband who works for his family and continues to learn, be amazed, laugh from deep within, and love

--Wise, loving children who support, understand, explore, make merry, and hug tightly

--Sisters - and their husbands and children - who let me be me and love with observable, unconditional, unshakeable love

--A safe, comfortable home thriving in summer's generosity

--Friends aplenty who offer newness, hilarity, understanding, compassion for my family and me - all the time

--Healthy pets - nature's balm

--Wilderness

--Assurances that God is the Author of all Life, a Being in control who doesn't miss a thing

Yes, there is always something for which to be thankful.

Today, I am thankful. Very.

To Run and Not Faint

Praying for strength. Praying for compassion. Praying for patience. Praying for a miracle. Praying. And waiting...

Summer is Upon Us

Just a friendly reminder to do your part when enjoying the beauty of nature.

Take only photos.

Leave only footprints.

Happy Summer!

Sgt. Pepper and Her Lonely Hearts Club Band

Cassie wanted to wear a Sgt. Pepper Jacket - pink like Ringo's - to graduation. She's had this in her mind for months and months.

I called my sister, Susie, who's better at sewing than I. Much.

She agreed to help out.

Between Cassie's vision, Susie's expertise, and my ability to spot star buttons we three managed to create a very feminine version of Ringo's jacket.

Cassie added bright pink high high heels and slim black slacks to complete her ensemble.

She looked fantastic.

The above photo made me chuckle today. In the midst of lining up for a group photo the kids were aligned as such. Looks like Sgt. Pepper and His Band, don't you think?

Sgt. Cassie Pepper.

Congratulations, Graduate!

You're a born leader. And you looked smashing on this auspicious day.

**Note: For those who may not know, if you click on the photo you can view a larger version.**

Color Returns

Yes, color returns!


And with it Scent...


...Flavor...


...and Joy!

Garden bursts with Life!

I could take and post pictures all day but I'd rather be out there caring for the life-giving treasures, rubbing my fingers on the herbs lifting to my nose those wonderful fragrances, nibbling the berries, admiring the flowers, smiling at the rapidly growing vegetable plants.

Happy June, everyone!

Tour de France *cough cough*

Saw this photo in a store front window the other day. It cracked me up!

"We all deserve to have fun, live large, and be ridiculed by less imaginative people existing under the erroneous assumption they get extra credit for being prudent and safe."
~~~ Patti Digh

Hooked?

At the dance recital last night the emcee asked for all noise-makers to be silenced. "Because of the blue-screen epidemic I'm asking that everything be turned off and left off for the entire program. I don't want anyone to have the stage be blocked by a blue screen, even if it's just you looking to see who called."

I was so proud of her! Sticking up for her dancers and all the work they'd put into the night's program.

What effect does this have on our brains, I wonder, this constant need to communicate even the most inane things? What is this inability to remember, to have to make note or immediately relay this or that? Where is the uninterrupted contemplative time? Why has serenity been so easily forsaken in favor of tyranny, the tyranny of the blue screen?

Even the sanctity of church is challenged by the distraction of people texting, getting up for coffee and other beverages, rejoining the congregation only to get up for more, or to head to the bathroom. The inability to be still. In body and brain. The perceived need for constant outside stimulation. What is so important that a person has to be communicating with others during church? If it's that dire then stay home as you'll just be distracted anyway and a distraction to others, too.

That's the thing, though. It's seldom dire. It's just blather, nothing that can't be either utterly ignored or accomplished with an appropriately timed text, email, phone call, or - gasp! - face-to-face conversation. What is the hurry? The urgency? What is more important than mindfulness which is the the victim in all of this? We're losing the ability to ponder, to mull, to grapple, to listen, to be still. To rest.

It's the Blue Screen Epidemic.

If it hasn't already infected you, beware, it's coming. And it's highly contagious.

'The Comedy of Errors'

Cassie and Caroline performed in The Comedy of Errors, by William Shakespeare over the weekend. Three big shows. Each was FABULOUS!

Tom waits for Opening Night to begin, flowers for the actresses - his daughters - at the ready.

In the first scene Cassie played a pirate Sea Captain. Her hearty pirate voice with its elongated vowels and r's gave authenticity and hilarity to the mood. (Thanks go to my friend, Alyssa Van Den Elzen for sending me these two photos of Cassie in the pirate scenes. Thank you!!)

Cassie gives a helpful word of caution to Antipholus and Dromio (Kevin and Levi).

All smiles and energy after Opening Night. (Jaren, Cassie, Heather, and Caroline)

Bestest, giggliest friends!

In the second half of the play Cassie played the creepy Madame Doctor Pinch. She had the crowd howling every night.

Caroline played the lovely, warm-hearted, curious Lady to the Dutchess of Ephesus. Her lovely vivaciousness shone through her presence, her words, and her perfect gestures. The girl had a BLAST!!

Christy (The Dutchess of Ephesus), Cassie, Christian, and Caroline. Fast friends. Christian lent his support in the audience for two of the nights.

In character - a little. So happy.

The entire cast of The Comedy of Errors. The Executioner - in full black garb - was played by Micah Stratton in the last scene only. He cracked me up!



Opa!

The smiles tell the tale.

Big brother Ben joins us for Closing Night thrilling his little sisters with his presence, laughter, and hugs. The flowers the girls are holding in this photo were from big brother Joe who had to work that night but attended the first night with me. In a sense we were all together.

These flowers are from one show only. There are three large vases full of flowers in our home. The girls have two in their room, and one in the living room. The sweet aroma of a job well done, of joy, and mostly of love.

Imagination and Courage

"Be daring, be different, be impractical; be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary." ~~ Cecil Beaton

"Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music." ~~ Angela Monet

A Little Petty

This little video - please endure the short ad at the beginning - saved me today. Thanks, Tommy

Back to Beauty

Cauterized yesterday's wounds. Healing begins today. Forgiving myself as I forgive others.

Beauty reveals itself to awakening senses.





It's been here all along.

Mean Mrs. Mustard

Here I sit poised to write a pithy post about a woman who is wreaking havoc in my social life, the life of my kids, my friends, my associates.

But the girls are playing The Beatles.

"All you need is love."

"Give peace a chance."

"Have you heard? The word is love."

Where's Mean Mr. Mustard when you need him?

I want to defend. I want justice.

How can I feel this passionate frustration and at the same time find I don't have it in me to sustain a fight? I want peace most of all. So uncomfortable feeling this way. Awful.

She called me at home. I haven't spoken personally with her before today. Things are done in meetings and over e-mail. And in her case behind backs.

Suffice to say I am not Jesus but I think she may be the devil. Got it? I do feel like there is an evil presence that dwells in and around her, a presence that provokes anger, upset, and confusion. Sound familiar? She lies. She manipulates. She's mean. She's selfish. She's insecure. She's unhappy.

She's not like the rest of the people in my life. She's, well, let's be nice and say she's 'special.' (Yeah, Cherie, you pretty much called her Satan in the last paragraph, and now you say you're being nice to call her 'special.' Sheesh. "Twist and Shout!!")

What is her family-life like? Her past? What sort of sadness has she endured? What kind of pain? Who has failed her?

Wouldn't it be horrible to live like that? Yes. Yes it would. I forgive her.

And I want to choke her.

And so do a lot of other people. "Shake it shake it shake it, baby, now!"

While I am feeling a simmering turbulence there is something inside that reminds me that we all do ugly things. Important to remember that. She's me. She's you. "Try to realize it's all within yourself, no one else can make you change."

No, she's worse! She's Mean Mrs. Mustard, just a selfish, mean woman.

Now now, she's human and she's hurting somewhere just as you, I tell myself. Be angry at the sin.

See? Conflict. "I read the news today, oh boy."

Time to put my beliefs into practice.

"I've got a feeling, a feeling deep inside, oh yeah. I've got a feeling, a feeling I can't hide, oh no. Oh no. Yeah YEAH!"

While I struggle I must remember it's important that I fight the good fight, not the bad fight. Giving in to my baser instincts - the choking - would be wrong. Struggling to quit feeling that way is right. "Seek peace and pursue it." Not a Beatles' lyric, that one. Someone wiser.

For now, well, "I am the walrus."