Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Un Père, Une Mère, C’est Élémentaire!” (“One father, One Mother: It’s Basic!”)

"Wish as you might, a mom and a dad are not interchangeable."  ~~ Anonymous

There is a mighty debate about whether gays should be allowed to marry and raise families. Passionate opinions on both sides.

For me, I cannot get past the idea that men and women are not interchangeable. Not at all. My sister, brother, and I were raised with my married-to-each-other mom and dad who were - besides personality differences - very different from one another because of their sexes. Different physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. They had different perspectives about life and I needed them both to understand the world - and its differences -  so that I could participate when adulthood found me. The synergy between a woman and a man cannot be duplicated in a same-sex union. It just can't. They are not interchangeable.

Children need a mom and a dad. They deserve the best shot at as good and healthy a life possible. 

As far as I can tell from my limited research, never in the history of the world has their been sanctioned gay marriage until now. Ever. It has always been believed to be a bad idea. Sure, homosexuality has existed. Ancient Greek and Roman soldiers participated in homosexuality. But then they went home to their wives and children. They valued their heterosexual family units because that is where legacy lives, where the family name is passed down, where culture and tradition are bestowed upon the next generation via a mother and a father. It was a no-brainer.

“Marriage exists to bring a man and a woman together as husband and wife to be father and mother to any children their union produces. Marriage is based on the biological fact that reproduction depends on a man and a woman, and on the social reality that children need a mother and a father.” ~~ Ryan Anderson

So, if marriage today is predominantly for family building, and if same-sex parents building families is not ideal for children, then why is it so hard for people to come to consensus about whether gay marriage is necessary or not?  

Because we are a different sort of people these days. We are selfish and morally adrift. In ignorance we have abdicated our responsibility and thus our power. We now sit down and expect the government to define the moral order for us, for we have lost our way. And we remain so at our peril.

"A people who allow government to redefine the moral order according to changing social standards or political expediency will not be able to resist tyranny because they no longer believe that right and wrong are universally based but rather man made and thus subject to decree. When the government can define right and wrong it will inevitably define its own actions as right by definition. It is not an accident that the decline in morals of the last generation also corresponds to the near death of the Bill of Rights. People who do not believe in Right, cannot stand up for rights. We have rights because justice is rooted in the Universal order. It is Right. Without a belief in a transcendent, absolute moral order, there is no Justice, no rights, only the whim of the state, our new god. Emperors and dictators have always sensed that moral decadence enhanced their own powers, and so it is today." ~~ Bill, from a comment forum

We find ourselves there, at the whim of the state, bickering, divided, the needle of our moral compass spinning.

In March of 2013, Chief Rabbi of France Gilles Bernheim wrote an interesting article entitled Homosexual Marriage, Parenting, and Adoption, the adapted version of which can be found here.

Another very relevant article, written by Doug Mainwaring (a gay man), pertaining to the importance of children having both a mother and a father plus the harm same-sex marriage does to humanity can be found here. It's entitled, "I'm Gay and Oppose Same-Sex Marriage." This article does a great job of answering some of the arguments my readers have left me in the comment forum of this post.


ghw said...

Nice one. Starting with personal experience and things that studies have shown to be false.

And no morales without believes? Preposterous.
Citing Hitchens: "Name one ethical statement made, or one ethical action performed, by a believer that could not have been uttered or done by a nonbeliever." And now "Can anyone think of a wicked statement made, or an evil action performed, precisely because of religious faith?"

It's like we are still in the Medieval times :(

Max said...

The synergy between a woman and a man cannot be duplicated in a same-sex union. It just can't. They are not interchangeable.

You're begging the question here: using the conclusion you want to draw as a premise to your argument. Where's your proof of this?

So, if marriage today is predominantly for family building, and if same-gender parents building families is not ideal for children, then why is it so hard for people to come to consensus about whether gay marriage is necessary or not?

Again, assuming the conclusion; and marriage is hardly just for family building (read: raising children). We allow sterilized and infertile people get married, and people who never intend to have children. Civil marriage is just a contract.

Octo said...

There are many assertions here based purely on personal beliefs, sometimes using the personal beliefs of others as support.

Must you, though, compel others to share them? Low-tech procreation is only one of many possible reasons for the state to sanction marriage, not the be-all and end-all.

Anonymous said...

Love and tolerance is for everyone. The way I'm reading this, you seem to imply that the love of two parents of the same gender isn't the same as the love of two people of the opposite gender.

How narrow this view is.

Might I suggest broadening your scope of experience?

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

A very narrow minded point of view Cherie. But it's your opinion.
This all may be your personal choice so that is what you should do for yourself then.

However, you should never prevent others from what they want or need to do. It is not up to you to make choices for others, to reprimand them if they make choices of their own that differ from you or for you tell them your way is the only way.

If that were the case we could begin to lecture you about your life choices. I don't think you would like us telling you how to live and whom to love.

flask said...

gays are already raising families. this is not new.

the only new thing is whether or not we will step up and stop making them second class citizens under the law.

Cherie said...

Thank you all for being so civil in your comments. I do appreciate that. And I am grateful for the time you took to dialogue with me.

It seems nerves have been struck with this post of mine, and thus misunderstanding and judgment. I would like to point out that my view is held by millions of people worldwide. You can call it narrow if you like. I could call your views narrow. It's really pointless to do that, though, and gets us nowhere.

I hope we can agree to disagree. I also hope you read the article to which I linked for it explains much better than I the view I hold. I didn't read the hyperlinked article until after I posted, so I did find it encouraging to be supported by someone much better researched and philosophical than I.

This is a very serious societal issue. I think we are best served by pondering each others' views, considering our own experiences, researching both sides of the issue, and understanding the historical aspects as well.

That being said, I hope you have a GREAT day today!

Anonymous said...

I grew up with just my mom. My loving and caring mom that would give me her food and starv just to see me well and happy. Her love got me through school and highschool and now I'm in college. That dosen't mean we didn't fought or she didn't beat the shit out of me when she was angry for something. I also have a dad. He have never lived in the same house as me. My mom left him cause he was an alcoholic when I was 1yro. He have been the most selfish person I've ever known. He has been the biggest of my problems my hole life. I wish I would have 2 loving parents. The sex don't matter.

Anonymous said...

I was raised by 2 gay men. It makes me sad to see that people can be against the love of 2 people, just because they're different. I have been happily married to my wife now for 13 years. She accepts my parents, and I wish other people did too.

Cherie said...

I imagine you were raised in a loving home, Anonymous #2. I accept your parents. I am a believer in love.

You were raised without a mother. You had a right to a mother and all that she would bring to your life. You do not know what you missed and you never will. Even if, as a child, you had adult women in your life, it is not the same as having a mom. No matter how loving your two dads are, they are limited to their maleness.

I am for children having a father and a mother raise them. It is the right of every child.

That being said, I do understand that - as in the case of Anonymous #1 - things don't always turn out well. However, I am sure A #1's mom never intended for her husband's habits to cause them to divorce and for her to raise her child alone. These things happen. It's unfortunate.

The difference is that in the case of same-sex couples unnaturally creating - or adopting - a child, the child's right to one mom and one dad are not considered or honored. Before the child ever enters the home he/she is deprived of a crucial aspect of a healthy upbringing which is, again, one mom and one dad. It is the optimal situation for every child and one we should, as a society, strive to achieve.