Nothing and Everything

Ominous. I feel a foreboding presence, or is it a strong hunch, vibration, instinct all around. I gather my kids together one by one looking deeply into their eyes to see for myself that they are okay, that all is well, that there is light in their souls.

In predawn darkness I curl my warm body around Tom holding onto what I have, afraid that something or someone will rip him from our home, my life, my heart.

My nervous hands defiantly push open the heavy glass door allowing a breath-stealing gust of wind to whip my clothes, tangle my hair, squint my eyes, fill my nostrils, throat, and lungs. As though life itself were invading, cleansing from the inside out, preparing me.

But for what?

For whom?

And when?

Should I dreadfully fear? Eagerly anticipate?

Is it post-holiday madness?

Time will tell.

(Time has told. I just found out today that my cousin passed away suddenly on Tuesday, the day my premonitions began. Sitting at the table with his long-time wife, he said his leg hurt terribly, dropped, and entered eternity. On top of that, my sister's 38 year old nephew died suddenly - still don't know why. And, my auntie with Alzheimer's may be to the point of having to be cared for in a home rather than in her own home. My uncle has reached the limit of his ability to care for her and it's breaking his heart. That's three. I hope that is that for it is a LOT to digest in one morning. Grieving today.)