Flicker in a Dark Place

Like I'm a step and a half behind, or unable to see and hear clearly, slightly off-balance, dizzy I am out of sync with the rest of the universe.

Fumbling along. Frustrated. Stupid.

But, even though I feel out of it I know that life continues on. The garden teaches me this. I merely water. Every day. I don't even notice the new fruits until one day I look and sure enough, there they are. They've been growing all this time whether I notice or not, whether I feel synced up with the process or not.


I suppose I am growing, too. And the fruit will be noticed.

One day.

Good Wife - Sheesh

A friend sent me a website rhapsodizing about the good old days, the early 50's mostly, before I was born, and the mid-50's when I was born.

Included was this:
The type is small I know, so I'll take the time to type it out. Then, I'd love it if you shared your response with me. (Curious? While some of the suggestions I consider common courtesy for husband, wife, or child, I found myself shocked by a lot of it. And then I was happy the women's movement arrived when I did to save from me a life that would have made me suicidal. Cassie said, "Well, that was obviously written by a man." I might add, a narcissistic, possibly cheating man.)

Okay, here we go:

The Good Wife's Guide

1. Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed. [So far so good.]

2. Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

3. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it. [Duty? Be a little MORE interesting?]

4. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. [Oh, yes, the king doth approach.]

5. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper etc. and then run a dustcloth over the tables. [Dust the freakin' tables? Everyday?]

6. Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction. [Immense personal satisfaction. Don't light a fire because you and the children might enjoy it, wait for his royal highness, then find your satisfaction in catering to him.]

7. Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. [Little treasures playing their parts? No wonder my generation is messed up.]

8. Be happy to see him. [If you have to be advised to do this, there are serious problems that food, fire, and a ribbon won't help.]

9. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. [Huh? How does one do this? Show sincerity in your desire to please him? Are we to fake a smile and fake sincerely desiring to please him because if we sincerely desire to please him this whole step is redundant? Ah, this explains a LOT.]

10. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours. [Grrr.....yeah, sure, any topics I bring up such as personal business, the children's needs, the car blew up on I-5 but I only broke my pelvis, and 'by the way, I may be pregnant again' are not as important as his 'manly' topics.]

11. Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax. [Is this mutual? Can the wife ditch the dude? I mean, she has a world of stress and pressure - a bunch of kids, er, um treasures - he can't even deal with and a mother-in-law from the underworld.]

12. Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order, and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. [This is a good one, I applaud this, but not just for the man, for everyone who enters the home; family, friend, neighbor, invited stranger.]

13. Don't greet him with complaints and problems. [Another good one. It's a common courtesy we can all share with one another to respect the tired among us.]

14. Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day. [Holy smokes. Yeah, leave the lady to stay on her shift of caregiving for the kids, answering the phone, dealing with the same stuff she's been faced with all day, and now explaining to the kids and whomever why he's out and she's subbing for him. Huh uh.]

15. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. [Frankly, I was nervous about where this was gonna go. But then I remembered, it was the 50's and people just didn't talk about that.]

16. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice. [Hmm. Same thing one does for a crabby baby.]

17. Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity . Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him. [Yes, it really says that!]

18. A good wife always knows her place. [Firmly under the sole of her husband's royal shoe.]

Thank God the times changed!

Jonas and Bonus: Portland Part Three

Ben, a bit on the weary side from a long photo shoot in Seattle the day before, came over to visit us after we had breakfast.


We lounge around while Tom checks us out of the hotel.


A wonderful son! His smile always cheers me.


Ben gave us a mini-tour of the off-beat and interesting things near our hotel. First stop, the Voodoo Doughnut shop, a favorite haunt of locals.


Weird decor, unusual doughnut flavors, and friendly counter-culture employees made this quite an adventure.


So many items to choose from!


We decided to buy the Voodoo Dozen and let the shop pick our selections. (Yes, we ended up with 13. I took this as the guy was loading up the pink box.) We each took bites from every flavor - like a bizarre wine tasting only we didn't swish and spit. Bubblegum (pink one in picture) was gross, but the grape (not pictured) was tasty. The one with the orange frosting in the picture had a nutmeg and orange flavor. Quite good.


A thoughtful reminder that sorrow exists and we who are in good places are better people to remember and honor.


After a quick stroll though the Saturday Market we drove over to Powell's Bookstore, the biggest, funkiest bookstore I've ever been in. I've purchased used books online but have never been to an actual store.


A map is necessary in order to find the topic one is looking for as there are three floors encompassing nine huge 'rooms' Amazing!

"There is simply no place in America like Powell's. No bookstore is so big or so meticulously organized, and none has such a psychic hold on so large a community." ~~ John Balzar, Los Angeles Times

I found good prices on two Italian language reference books and Cassie and Caroline found some children's books written in French for reading practice. We reigned ourselves in, but it was oh, so hard. Getting away with a few language books was getting off easy. Forget the kid in the candy store, man, leaving here was torture!


Loving all things Italian, of course we had to duck into this gelato cafe for a tiny sampling.


Again with the decisions! I went with an authentic Italian sweet cream flavor. Warm day + cold gelatto = MMMM!




The above photos were taken at OMSI (Oregon Museum of Science and Industry) where we'd taken in an IMAX movie and snooped around the museum on Saturday afternoon. The last photo is of the giant projector used for the IMAX movies, the black vertical lines are the huge film ascending and descending as the movie plays. We watched Adrenaline Rush - and it was!

Portland is a beautiful city. Both Tom and I have lived there in the past at different times. Fun to visit in friendly weather.

It's good to be home again in our smaller berg where the air is noticeably fresher, the tempo slower, the green spaces plentiful, and the living easy.

Hope you enjoyed my showing and telling of the adventure!

Now we gear up for our annual Fourth of July party here at home. Friends coming over, Tom's got a new bbq ribs recipe he's going to try out, and more!

Gotta love summer!

Jonas and Bonus: Portland Part Two

After the concert we slept at The Benson Hotel, built in 1912. Beautiful, historic place. Comfortable beds! Wow! Tom and I slept great, waking up before six. The girls continued to dream peacefully so we parents quietly dressed and headed for the streets to watch the city awaken.


A 12 story, world-class hotel built in 1912 by Simon Benson, a Portland lumber baron and philanthropist, the Benson was designed by the city's most prominent architect of the day, Albert E. Doyle.


The interior walls and pillars of the magnificent lobby are finished in rare, now extinct, Circassian walnut imported from the forests of Imperial Russia. Beautiful! Austrian crystal chandeliers and sweeping Italian marble staircases with cast iron railings add to the hotel's grandeur. I took a million photos but will spare you.




While the girls slept Tom and I headed to Peet's for something warm and something delicious. We were not disappointed.




The U.S. National Bank is a beautiful old building! I LOVE pillars like this.


What do you think this statue represents? My first inclination is that it's a child bent over, head deep into a toy chest. Any ideas? Your guess is as good as mine. Tom saw an arm with a boxing glove.




Serene early morning moments.


This is the Wells Fargo building. If you look closely you can see the words Wells Fargo high up on the top under the eaves, the letters in circles, one word on each wall.




Amazing to walk the streets of Portland when empty of people and cars.


Good ol' China Town.


By the time Tom and I returned from our leisurely exploration the girls were awake. They met us in the London Grill, the upscale over 50 year old restaurant which is tucked below the Grand Lobby of the Benson. Easy for Caroline - with her mending broken foot and crutches - to leave our room on the fourth floor, enter the elevator, press London Grill LL, and have the doors open to opulence and mouth-watering gourmet breakfast aromas. Oh, the delicious food!


While we ordered plated breakfasts of homemade sausages, bagels, berries, fruit, ham, eggs, hash browns, toast, and juices these desserts were near our table and very tempting. They were part of a lavish buffet brunch that was to be available later in the morning. Our food was amazing!


Tom nearly nabbed one of these chocolate covered berries on the way out!

These photos depict the early part of our Sunday in Portland. My next post will show the rest of the morning and afternoon when Ben joins us and gives us a tour of some of the local favorite places in the vicinity.

Stay tuned...

Jonas and Bonus: Portland Part One

The long-awaited trip to Portland to see the Jonas Brothers has come and gone but the memories linger. So do the smiles. I'll let the photos do the talking.


In the car on the trip up. Giggles. So very many giggles. As it should be.


In front of the Jonas Brothers Bus. At last.


We all signed the side of the big rig, Caroline first.


Before we were ushered into the stadium a trivia contest was held outside the Rose Quarter. Cassie knows the answer!!


Caroline won a guitar pick necklace. She thinks the crutches helped her be chosen. The crutches also allowed us to enter through a special door for the physically disabled. Never have we had so many tweens and teens give us nasty looks as we breezed ahead of the loooong line and into the building.


There was one of those big screens like the ones celebrities stand in front of to have their picture taken at gala events. Cassie and Caroline hammed it up. "Oh yeah!"


Jonas Brothers STUFF!


The girls with the guys. Sort of...


The stage!


Nick on the Jumbotron. After this I put my camera away and enjoyed the show. Jordan Sparks was the opener as well as Honor Society and a girl group from Korea called Wonder Girls.


After the concert, riding the high!

The talented men put on a fantastic concert. High energy, very professional, and clean. Enjoyable for all. I particularly liked when they sang Sweet Caroline, the Neal Diamond classic. Of course, Caroline liked it, too! Most of the songs are written by the brothers who also play a variety of instruments. All genuine musicians and respectful, likable guys. Good combination, and rare these days.

A great way to spend a Saturday night together as a family!

Culmination

While one would think the highlight of a week of hosting graduation guests would be the graduation itself, and while the ceremony did bring tears to my eyes and joy to my heart, the actual culmination of our week turned out to be a relaxed Saturday evening roasting marshmallows and clowning with friends and family.


But the partying started long before the campfire. Earlier in the week Jed celebrated his 20th birthday with his entire family - there are nine altogether - here with our family in our humble abode. Happy Birthday again, Jed!

Caroline, still with an autographed cast on her leg, rocks at Mario Kart! It's something she can do with her new friends. This party reluctantly ended at midnight. We laughed tears out our eyes! Hilarity!


The pup puts up with it all.


Now, back to the s'more-making wild night!


Tom keeps the campfire going while Grace enjoys her first chocolatey, marshmallowy delight. (Sammy waits diligently for droppage.)


Ben knows this is serious business while Cassie enjoys her smushed roasted orb a la cracker.


Andy keeps us laughing.


Abbi, my fellow photog!


S'more expressions...




Caroline finds herself in a sticky situation - she works it out.


Grace ritualistically burns the graham cracker box in a pyromaniacal moment, while Ben gives her bunny ears...


Oh! Glorious Torch!


Smelling of sugar and smoke, faces relaxed from laughter-workouts, bodies invigorated with night air, and spirits lifted on friendly banter we head for bed and sweet dreams.

Last week's partying dancing in my head quietly promises more such occurrences as the new season gets her steam.

School ends. Summer begins.

Let the good times roll!

And So the Summer Begins

On Monday, Caroline played soccer with her team. Halfway through the game, as she maneuvered the ball toward the goal, turning abruptly on her foot, she heard a pop. "I think I just broke my foot," passed through her head, yet her feet kept pace. She made the goal.

And played the entire second half.

From the car's back seat on the way home she nonchalantly uttered, "By the way, I hurt my foot during soccer. I heard a pop. I suppose it could be broken."




She was right. Two doctor's appointments later she now sports a bright blue cast and a grin. Is it the story-for-the-kids-and-grandchildren tale she now possesses which prompts the grin? The relief from the dreariness of the last two weeks of school? The attention? The absurdity of it all? A small movement breaks a metatarsal and thus merits a cast? Whatever the cause she has an inspiring sense of humor. What a trooper!

Today she's content - loves the cast-signing aspect - couldn't wait to get to Shakespeare class. And the cast is only for three weeks should it heal as expected. Afterwards she gets a removable immobilizing boot which will allow the stretching of her ankle now and then.


And so summer begins. On a strange, unexpected path.

We are no longer bored.

Be careful what you wish for.

"Speedy recovery, Caroline!"

45 Life Lessons

A high school friend, Davene, sent me this list today. Elixir! Thought I'd share it with you. Maybe there is something there that will do you good today.

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio.

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1.       Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2.       When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3.       Life is too short to waste time hating anyone...

4.       Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5.       Pay off your credit cards every month.

6.       You don't have to win every argument.  Agree to disagree.

7.       Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8.       It's OK to get angry with God.  He can take it.

9.       Save for retirement starting with your first pay cheque.

10.     When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11.     Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12.     It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13.     Don't compare your life to others.  You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14.     If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15.     Everything can change in the blink of an eye.  But don't worry; God never blinks.

16.     Take a deep breath.  It calms the mind.

17.     Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18.     Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19.     It's never too late to have a happy childhood.  But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20.     When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21.     Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion, today is special.

22.     Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23.     Be eccentric now.  Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24.     The most important sex organ is the brain.

25.     No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26.     Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27.     Always choose life.

28.     Forgive everyone everything.

29.     What other people think of you is none of your business.

30.     Time heals almost everything.  Give time.

31.     However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32.     Don't take yourself so seriously.  No one else does.

33.     Believe in miracles.

34.     God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35.     Don't audit life.  Show up and make the most of it now.

36.     Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37.     Your children get only one childhood.

38.     All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39.     Get outside every day.  Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40.     If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41.     Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42.     The best is yet to come.

43.     No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44.     Yield.

45.     Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Happy Weekend, All!

Sun-day

"Wanna go for a bike ride before church?"

"Yeah buddy!"

Tom got the bikes out of the shed while I packed yogurt, dried fruit, and sunflower seeds for breakfast.

We hit the trail peddling for the river, a bench, and a very scenic sunny morning breaking of the fast.






There is a poignancy to looking at these photos this afternoon. A bit of serendipity all the more cherished after learning at church that an acquaintance my age has a terminal illness. Oh, to type the words, to read the words! What must pulse through the minds and hearts of this kind person, this loving family? There is much unknown. There is much known.

We all end the same. We all hope to have finished our most pressing work which for me is raising the kids. But who ever knows? Who ever knows?

God knows. And we persevere the best we can.

In light of the Truth.

For me, there will be more bike rides, more beach days with kites and dogs and laughter, there will be more yogurt making, flower and vegetable planting with loved ones. Living in the moment, focusing on eyes, and hair, and smiles, and tears. Listening. Lots of listening. And learning together about the One who is the reason for the journey.

And less - much less - carrying of expectations on shoulders meant for carrying joyful dreams.

Summery May Weekend - Day Two

With temperatures around 80 degrees we embrace our first summer-like weekend of the year.

Yesterday was Day Two in our Magical Mystery Tour of Joy. (Is that over-stating things? Do I remain so winter-crusted that I must gush? Yes. No shame here.)

After pushing open both large bedroom windows at dawn, Tom and I crawled back under the covers together - Saturday relaxed - while warmish summer-scented air entered our room and lungs, played with our hair and curtains, and like a tiny fairy shaking dust from her luminescent wand sparked imagination and enthusiasm.

Awakening to a new season.

Pancakes, sausage, and kiwi brunch in the company of two beach-cheeked daughters.

They did the dishes, we headed for the Saturday and Farmers' Markets.

Oh the delight! We bought a blueberry bush and an orange daisy-like plant.

And spring greens by the bagful.

And chuckled at dichotomy in a town known for its politically correct Earth-Respectors. At the hippie-infested Saturday Market, no less.





"Celebrate Diversity!"

Strolling, perusing, jostling, and sunshine.

Then this:





Beautiful morning.

While Tom and I gallivanted, Cassie and Caroline busily carried out a surprise by setting out the summer outdoor furniture including the table and umbrella so we four could have meals on the sun porch while the weather holds. Huge smile from me on seeing that!

After a good night's sleep - windows wide open - today's dawn teases.

Brand spanking new day and I'm ready to open it!