Here I sit poised to write a pithy post about a woman who is wreaking havoc in my social life, the life of my kids, my friends, my associates.
But the girls are playing The Beatles.
"All you need is love."
"Give peace a chance."
"Have you heard? The word is love."
Where's Mean Mr. Mustard when you need him?
I want to defend. I want justice.
How can I feel this passionate frustration and at the same time find I don't have it in me to sustain a fight? I want peace most of all. So uncomfortable feeling this way. Awful.
She called me at home. I haven't spoken personally with her before today. Things are done in meetings and over e-mail. And in her case behind backs.
Suffice to say I am not Jesus but I think she may be the devil. Got it? I do feel like there is an evil presence that dwells in and around her, a presence that provokes anger, upset, and confusion. Sound familiar? She lies. She manipulates. She's mean. She's selfish. She's insecure. She's unhappy.
She's not like the rest of the people in my life. She's, well, let's be nice and say she's 'special.' (Yeah, Cherie, you pretty much called her Satan in the last paragraph, and now you say you're being nice to call her 'special.' Sheesh. "Twist and Shout!!")
What is her family-life like? Her past? What sort of sadness has she endured? What kind of pain? Who has failed her?
Wouldn't it be horrible to live like that? Yes. Yes it would. I forgive her.
And I want to choke her.
And so do a lot of other people. "Shake it shake it shake it, baby, now!"
While I am feeling a simmering turbulence there is something inside that reminds me that we all do ugly things. Important to remember that. She's me. She's you. "Try to realize it's all within yourself, no one else can make you change."
No, she's worse! She's Mean Mrs. Mustard, just a selfish, mean woman.
Now now, she's human and she's hurting somewhere just as you, I tell myself. Be angry at the sin.
See? Conflict. "I read the news today, oh boy."
Time to put my beliefs into practice.
"I've got a feeling, a feeling deep inside, oh yeah. I've got a feeling, a feeling I can't hide, oh no. Oh no. Yeah YEAH!"
While I struggle I must remember it's important that I fight the good fight, not the bad fight. Giving in to my baser instincts - the choking - would be wrong. Struggling to quit feeling that way is right. "Seek peace and pursue it." Not a Beatles' lyric, that one. Someone wiser.
For now, well, "I am the walrus."