Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Nothing and Everything

Ominous. I feel a foreboding presence, or is it a strong hunch, vibration, instinct all around. I gather my kids together one by one looking deeply into their eyes to see for myself that they are okay, that all is well, that there is light in their souls.

In predawn darkness I curl my warm body around Tom holding onto what I have, afraid that something or someone will rip him from our home, my life, my heart.

My nervous hands defiantly push open the heavy glass door allowing a breath-stealing gust of wind to whip my clothes, tangle my hair, squint my eyes, fill my nostrils, throat, and lungs. As though life itself were invading, cleansing from the inside out, preparing me.

But for what?

For whom?

And when?

Should I dreadfully fear? Eagerly anticipate?

Is it post-holiday madness?

Time will tell.

(Time has told. I just found out today that my cousin passed away suddenly on Tuesday, the day my premonitions began. Sitting at the table with his long-time wife, he said his leg hurt terribly, dropped, and entered eternity. On top of that, my sister's 38 year old nephew died suddenly - still don't know why. And, my auntie with Alzheimer's may be to the point of having to be cared for in a home rather than in her own home. My uncle has reached the limit of his ability to care for her and it's breaking his heart. That's three. I hope that is that for it is a LOT to digest in one morning. Grieving today.)

12 comments:

deanna said...

I can hear you saying that last sentence. Hope it is a positive premonition-type thing in the end, and I can't help chuckling, sorry, because at first glance I thought your first word was omnibus. Take care, Cherie!

Cherie said...

Thanks, Deanna.

As my update tells, it's not a positive-type premonition. Sad to say...but at least now I know.

Appreciate your kindness!

tshsmom said...

I'm so sorry Cherie!
Those things always come in 3s for me too. I hope this is the end to tragedy in your family for a long time! (((hugs)))

Cherie said...

Thanks for the hugs, Tshs. I feel them, I truly do.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry.
Son of Hobbits8

Cherie said...

Thanks, S. Appreciate your sympathy.

Mike S said...

Sorry it turned out to be the apparent causes that it did. Perhaps good things will come in 3s as well.

tony said...

I AM SO VERY SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR LOSSES CHERIE.THIS IS A BAD TIME OF YEAR.MY LOVE +THOUGHTS TO YOU+YOUR FAMILY
ON Friday night i learned that a Friend died suddenly.
The same night, by complete coincedence, the local newspaper on Friday carried both his Death Notice/Obituary and (on the Sports page) a photo of him doing a Charity Swim on New Years Day.How suddenly they are sometimes taken..........
Daid's funeral is this coming Friday.His wife,Ann, has asked us not the wear Black.but something colourful.

tony said...

correction.........DAVID

Cherie said...

Mike - thanks. I hope this is it, too. The day after I posted the update to this post I learned that my 92 year old survived another mild stroke. One expects these things in the very aged, not so much in the younger and seemingly healthy. Man knows not his time. How I treasure your kindness.

Tony: Thank you for your comforting words, friend. I offer my love and good thoughts to you for the sudden loss of your friend. Yes, how suddenly they are sometimes taken. At some funerals it is so appropriate to wear cheery colors as those who've died have left us with happy memories of lives well lived. Seems it is so with your friend, David. I'll be thinking of you and your family, of Ann, and of all who loved David.

Cherie said...

Tony: I followed your link. David had such a pleasant face - it's hard to believe he died so soon afterwards. Thanks for sharing.

Sandy's Notes said...

Cherie, three is always too many, one is too many for that matter. I'm sorry about your losses. I'm especially sorry about your sister's nephew, 38 is just way too young.