Sunday, November 18, 2007

Deflowered

He said he was eighteen.

He said his daddy was rich.

He said Daddy bought him a Porsche.

He said he would take her to Italy, Switzerland, and France.

He said she was the prettiest girl he'd ever known.

He said she was the only one for him.

He said he loved her.

He said he wanted to marry her.

He said if she loved him, she'd let him.

She did love him. She did let him...once.

She'd just turned 15.

She said it wasn't as fun as everyone says.

She said it hurt.

She learned he does this repeatedly, regularly to other gullible girls.

He has no Porsche, no rich daddy, no passport, no class.

He's sixteen, and doesn't want to marry her.

She feels 'lied to and used.'

She wishes she 'could turn back time and erase it, like it never happened.'

She wanted to save herself for marriage.

She was fooled.

Her mom is disappointed, but understanding. After all, she'd done the same thing, pregnant at 16, married at 18. Divorced at 25.

Her mom says she won't drive her to that boy's house again, for a Saturday of unchaperoned movie watching.

Her mom patted her on on the head, and gave her birth control pills.

Her school friends, instead of putting her on a pedestal, shun her.

Her true friends love and console her the best we can.

She's lonely. She's sad. She's depressed.

She wants to die.

Me? I want to castrate the kid who abused our friend.

15 comments:

sean said...

He will be castrated perhaps by his on hand. Block him out and put the time you would have wasted on him to the friend you love. Don't let him disturb your balance he's not worth it. Revenge is in living happy and well. Love is the finest beauty of all.
Love Sean

Cherie said...

Sean, thank you so much for helping me regain my equilibrium. You are right, once again. The path you suggest is the one I want to walk.

I will share your words with my family, and with our friend, as we struggle to see our way clear of this ugly situation. Your perspective will help, I'm certain.

"Revenge is in living happy and well. Love is the finest beauty of all." Bless you for this.

Sandy said...

Tell her how beautiful she is inside, tell her there are women out there that care and want her to heal and move on to bigger and better things. We all make mistakes, the important thing is to learn from them. She should be proud that she was able to talk to you Cherie. You obviously are someone she looks up to. Sending you hearts from the east coast.

Cherie said...

Thank you for your compassionate 'hearts from the east coast', Sandy, and for your wise words which I shall share with my friend. You are so right that an important thing is to learn the lesson, whatever it may be. My daughters and I are heartbroken for our friend, but so glad she came to us when she did, so we could help love her back to health and well-being. I think she is astonished that we embraced her without judgment, with open arms, and fully when her other friends abandoned her immediately and completely. She asked us if we still would be her friends, and cried when we said, "Of course! We love you! You are still you and nothing will change that." Love is powerful.

And sometimes it brings pain.

Sandy said...

Cherie, I tagged you for Thanksgiving, hope you don't mind.

Cherie said...

Don't mind a bit, Sandy! = )

Annie said...

Heartbreaking. I do wonder why the mom didn't realize that a Saturday alone watching movies with a boy might not be the best idea 'before' she drove her daughter there? An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. I'm glad your friend has you and your family to lean on too.

Mike S said...

Cherie, please assure your young friend that she was wronged and guilty of nothing other than believing a very young con-man. This is something that seemingly has always plagued civilized peoples.
"Youth is easily deceived because it is quick to hope."
Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC)
She lost her virginity, he lost part of his humanity.

Cherie said...

Thanks, Annie. She's feeling better these days, getting some of her balance back. Such a sweet girl. Her mom learned a big lesson here I think, like maybe she should finish raising her daughter before she goes out dancing or off on long weekends with her boyfriend leaving her teenager home and lonely. A girl will do a lot of things to feel noticed and loved, especially by boys/men when there is no dad in her home.

Like Sandy says, everyone makes mistakes. I'm just happy that this friend of ours chose to talk about her pain and sadness rather than keep it bottled up and have it spill out over the rest of her life.

Cherie said...

Your thoughtful insights are much appreciated, Mike. Such wisdom. You and Aristotle are right.

"She lost her virginity, he lost part of his humanity." This is exactly true - it choked me up when I read it.

Thanks you so much.

tshsmom said...

If that was MY son, he'd be picking his teeth up off the floor about now.

There are many, many girls that fall prey to boys like that. The only way it will ever stop is by teaching our sons that this isn't acceptable behavior. I pray that your friend will find a thoughtful, caring guy like our sons.

Cherie said...

Thanks, Tshs. I'm with you and the toothless sons bit. I think you are right that it's the sons who need more thoughtful upbringings. Society seems to reward this bad kind of behavior - over and over and on so many levels. If only the boys could somehow experience the pain they cause. It's like Mike says, a problem that has known the ages and will probably not go away soon.

Thanks for your kind wishes for our friend. She needs all the good vibes she can get.

tshsmom said...

Society does condone, and encourage, this behavior.

Even the boys who would never engage in this type of behavior, will high-five a boy in the locker room when they brag about their conquests. Evil behavior has elevated this boy to hero status.

Z was bullied in school. He is now a zealous advocate against bullying of any kind. At this point in his life we're now teaching Z that the behavior you described is bullying too. If he doesn't speak up against it when he hears this from other boys, he becomes part of the problem. I pray that he will have the courage to make a stand against this behavior when he encounters it.

Cherie said...

The behavior you describe is so disgusting, isn't it Tshs. I know it happens. I remembering sitting in front of a bunch of boys at a school concert when I was a teenager - listening to these boys talk made me turn bright red and feel so awful. I didn't know who they were, but I know I wished they'd shut up. Just hearing them talk - whether they were blowing hot air or not - upset me terribly. So young and naive was I. See, even just their words had the power to hurt, their ideas of conquering girls, treating them like toys. Actually, they'd probably treat their toys with more care and respect.

You're a good Mom, tshs. I'm already proud of Z for the stands he is taking. I'm sorry to hear he was bullied. He's blessed to have such an understanding, caring mom as you!

You and Z ROCK!

tshsmom said...

Thanks Cherie. I know that you and Tom raised your boys the same way. It's been so nice to meet someone else who is trying to raise decent, caring humans! ;)